Unleash the Authentic Woman in You – Faey Szeuw

I was walking around the mall… And you know those independent merchant carts… They’re always luring unsuspected suckers in for free samples. I noticed I feel obligated to buy things after trying the free thing. Eeehhh, huh?

Surprisingly, after taking a deep look into my history of buying junk, I discovered I buy BECAUSE of this “law of reciprocity”. Someone gives me a free sample, then I feel like I HAVE to buy something from them.

How many times have you bought something that you didn’t really want but felt obligated? You just didn’t want to seem like you were inconveniencing them…

I fell prey to this technique one too many times. I ended up with restaurant meals I wasn’t entirely satisfied with – Clothes and shoes I didn’t want – Costly natural nail polish – Mineral makeups – More than enough memberships at places I didn’t really need – Books I didn’t read – Things I didn’t even use!

I remember one time where I was strolling around the mall with my fiance… I knew I would buy something if I had my credit cards with me so I left them at home and only had a twenty in my pocket.

Surprisingly, after this salesgirl gave me all this attention and being dabbled by all this new exotic Japanese cosmetic elixir that claimed to make my skin smoother, younger, beautiful and flawless…

I looked at my fiance and ask to borrow HIS card! Of course, I paid him back. But isn’t that just ridiculous! Ended up charging $157.37 dollars on HIS visa!

With knowing my kryptonite (free stuff), I can be more aware of these traps. So now I am actually practicing saying more “NO’s”. It’s a bit of a challenge but I feel good.

It’s nice to have values (and not personally step on them). I can still change my mind.

So beware of FREE. You might end up with your values tangling you up inside.

If you do get tangled up… Remember most decisions can be revised (especially if someone’s trying to sell you stuff).

What better way to conquer your fear than to face it head on.

Confession: I’m not entirely fearful of heights but I get a bit light around very tall building; especially hanging on the very edge of a 37th floor building!

It was like this for me when my fiance, sister, and I went on the SkyWalk. SkyWalk is a tourist attraction, where people can walk outside around the perimeter of the 37th floor of Crown Regency Hotel in Cebu, Philippines.

Being a brave soul that I am , I volunteered to be in front. Reason one being… no big heads or anyone is blocking my view up here. Just kidding! Any how, it was a bit frightening as I step outside onto the thin metal pathway. I can feel the height and the breeze blowing lightly against my body. (Thank goodness it is not a windy day.)

As I pass through the glass part of the pathway, I glanced down to view below. People were like ants and cars were like miniature toy that little boys play with. My heart beat faster and I could feel a bit of perspiration on my forehead.

Quite interestingly, once we finish the SkyWalk which only lasted 15 minutes; I felt disappointed it was over. I actually wanted to go one more round.

Much like our life, sometimes we just gotta face our fears heads on. Like the famous Les Brown quote, “When you face your fear, most of the time you will discover that it was not really such a big threat after all. We all need some form of deeply rooted, powerful motivation. It empowers us to overcome obstacles so we can live our dreams.”

What’s inner game versus outer game? Authentic Man Program’s (AMP) co-founder, Bryan Bayer breaks down the difference by using the image of the Celtic tree. The Celtic tree is an ancient symbol of wholeness that illustrates the relationship between “who we are” (inner game) and “how we show up” (outer game).

AMP says, “These days, a lot of guys are studying the art pickup. And, if those pickup/outer game skills aren’t connected to a solid foundation of inner game, those men will never create relationship as wild, sexy and fulfilling as they can truly be.”

AMP adds, “Even if your outer game is masterful it is a only a matter of time before any woman will see who you are at the roots. You can’t hide it and you can’t fake it. And the more radiant the woman is the faster she will see right down to the base of it often instantly.”

Such an amazing explanation!

Recently I went to a concert to see Boyce Avenue, Jabbawockeez, and Kris Allen at MusicFest 2010 in Cebu, Philippines. Boyce Avenue’s lead singer, Alejandro Manzano really carried himself self well. He showed up incredibly sexy. I said to myself, “This guy’s got inner game going on! Wow!”

When Kris Allen performed…he didn’t have it. As talented as Kris is, he felt hollow to me. He needs to do more inner work and build his foundation. Won American Idol but he’s not showing up as a grounded solid guy. Not attractive compared to Boyce Avenue’s Alejandro who’s roots just over shadowed Kris. It was such a contrast I even left after Kris sang his first couple songs!

When we start chasing things outside ourself, it’s easy to ignore our roots. Then it becomes even more challenging to attract the people we want to attract. Remember: We’re drawn towards the healthy trees – strong and grounded. We ignore the weak ones with flimsy roots.

Listen, if you’re a man reading my blog to learn about women… You can’t hide your roots with outer game – shiny objects and pick up techniques. If your foundation is weak and unstable, your house is going to crumble no matter how beautiful you decorate the exterior! Like a strong house, we must work on ourself from our foundation – our roots – if we want lasting change. Men and women, when we take care of our emotions our genuine self can shine into the world.

Ever come across someone who seems to have their stuff together. Fancy clothes, nice house, nice car, nice looking but as you hang out with them more and more… The person just doesn’t seem in alignment. Like a car that keeps veering to the right when you’re trying to go straight. They seem perfect but something is off. Of course no one is perfect (we all have stuff to sort through). But you can tell if someone is handling their life or it’s just pretense – a veneer.

These people are stuck pretending. The more you pretend to be something you’re not, the more likely you have stuff to work on. In other words, more inner game or inner work will help you let your authentic self shine through.

Take someone like Hugh Jackman for example. He is an Australian actor and producer who is involved in film, musical theatre, and television. He’s also an activist and philanthropist. A very well-rounded guy.

Just one look at him. His foundation is pretty well built. More solid than most. That’s an example of how you’ll show up in the world when you’ve handled your inner game. Very attractive, right?